7 Binary Options

THE COAT OF MANY SIDES IS FINALLY COMPLETED!

(Link to the lets build if you want to see the lovely contributors)
The Coat of Many Sides, a homebrew item made by u/CharlesMayne, is a coat that shifts between many different forms when the command word is spoken. I think it's a very good concept, and I think that it could benefit well from a d100 list.
Let's get crackin' jimbo.
Dice Roll Side
1 Noble Jacket - Gain ADV on any CHR checks dealing with nobility or other people of social status.
2 Warm Thick Coat - Resist cold damage and gain ADV on any CON save pertaining to cold damage
3 Fancy Red Coat - Any CHR check to barter add your proficiency bonus (expert if proficient)
4 Black Leather Duster - Gain proficiency bonus to investigation checks, on the next failed investigation check you can treat the roll as if you made a natural 20
5 Worn Leather Vest - When you talk with common people or skilled craftsman gain ADV on CHR checks
6 Coat of Arms - When this side is chosen gain a random magic weapon (DM's choice) you gain proficiency with it, and it is a +2. (If the weapon is dropped for longer than 1 minute or if dispel magic is cast on it the weapon fades
7 Religious Robe - Gain a vestment of a random deity or religious group, you gain ADV on all checks related to that group or deity
8 Cloak of Little Color - looks the same as the coat of many sides but all the colorful patches are replaced by some shade of gray. This gives the user ADV on Stealth checks in dark and dimly lit areas.
9 Thief's Cloak - Gain proficiency with Thieves' Tools, understand Thieves' Cant. When you make any CHR check with a criminal do so with ADV. All checks with lawmen is at DIS.
10 Coat of Armor - The coat becomes a set of Full Plate Mail, you are proficient with it and you do not suffer DIS on stealth checks while wearing it.
11 Cape of Flames - Visible trail of flames follows you where ever you go. Lights all flammable objects on fire, and deals 1d6 points of fire damage to any enemies who end their turn within 5 feet of you. Gain Fire Resistance
12 Invisible Coat - The coat is invisible, anything hidden inside the coat is also invisible (not under or covered, inside) Inside the side of the coat is a hidden pocket DC 15 INV check to discover that doubles as a bag of holding. This bag can hold up to 50 lbs of items. Items can be placed into the coat while in this form but can only be taken out when the coat is in its standard form.
13 Coatie - The coat gains consciousness and starts giving its wearer bad advice
14 The Patchwork Coat - Allows the wearer to pass unquestioned through the underbelly of society. So long as the wearer does not speak or interact with somebody of higher station, they go ignored by said folks.
15 The Long Sleeved Coat - The sleeves are several feet long and strapped to the back of the coat. Wearers are restrained though feet are free to allow movement. Must use an escape or performance check to break free of the restraints.
16 The Muffler - A nice suede jacket with a high collar that covers the moth and nose of the wearer. This grants advantage on saves against poisonous clouds or smoke and enables wearer to cast purely verbal spells without detection. Wearer's volume limited to a whisper.
17 The Coat of Many Eyes- You can see in all directions, but you look like a horrifying lovecraftian nightmare.
18 The Coat of Many Mouths- You can amplify your voice to defining levels, but you look like a horrifying lovecraftian nightmare.
19 The Coat of Many Ears- You have incredible hearing being able to filter sound and hear far away things, but you look like a horrifying lovecraftian nightmare
20 Pablo Picascoat- At certain parts the coat looks smooth and flowing but at other parts cubes stick out for no reason. Very good for artistic events.
21 Concrete Coat- Characters have to make a STR save or fall to the ground immobilized. Mobility is heavily decreased even if you make it.
22 Winter Coat: The coat becomes a thick pelt, magically warm, allowing the user to endure frigid environments with no penalties. However, it gives the user 1 level of exhaustion per day if used in not-cold environments.
23 Summer Coat: The coat becomes a light, thin silk, magically cool, allowing the user to endure scorching environments with no penalties. However, it gives the user 1 level of exhaustion per day if used in not-hot environments.
24 Camouflage Coat: The coat gains a coloured pattern, giving the user a +5 bonus to stealth in specific environments. However, it gives a -5 bonus if not on the correct environment. Roll 2d8 on this table to select the environments, rerolling if you get equal numbers: Arctic, Coast, Desert, Forest, Grassland, Mountain, Swamp, Urban
25 Cloak of Calming. It has an elegant green color. Temporarily changes the alignment of an evil/unaligned enemy to true neutral or neutral good if a nat 20 is rolled.
26 A Red Spandex Suit. Offers full health regeneration once every 10 battles. It also boosts dexterity and constitution.
27 Orange Parka. Very unlucky. Lifts the amount needed for every type of check. If a player dies while wearing this, another player must proclaim “Oh my God! They killed (player’s name)!” and a second player must follow it with “You bastards!”
25 Coat of Invitation - While wearing this shimmering silver coat, you can cast Disguise Self at will, and can produce a blank piece of paper that will serve as an invitation to any event needed.
26 Copy Coat- Coat that allows initial owner to take on the appearance of the last person that wore, and it reveals their actual form. If someone with their own appearance altering enchantment wears it, what they hide is revealed when worn by owner of the coat.
27 Coat of the Arachnid- A silky looking coat that is made from spiders web that you can unwind at will and allows you to utilize at your will. Let's you make traps, security systems, and let's you track movement.
28 Coat of Binding - turns into a straight jacket, that binds and gags the wearer. DC 20 to strength or Dex save their way out of it.
29 Coat Cape - coat flaps in the wind (even if there is none) and allows wearer to fly at half their base speed for 1d10 hours. They are not told how long it will last.
30 Invisible Coat - coat turns invisible. Wearer does not. No other special abilities
31 Tuna Coat - The cloth turns into oily fish skin, and the wearer gains water breathing capacities.
32 Porcupine Coat - The coat grows spikes on the outer surface. Creatures attacking the wearer with their body must make a CR 15 Dex check. On a fail, they take 1d6 piercing damage.
33 Cat Coat - The coat grows a furry tail, and the wearer gains +2 on stealth and acrobatics checks.
34 Rust Monster Coat - The outer surface of the coat becomes the skin of a rust monster. Any metal that touches it is immediately rusted, but the wearer can still take damage from it.
35 Dragon Coat - The cloth turns into colored dragon scales, and the wearer gets a 15 feet long conic breath attack that deals 5d8 damage. Roll a 1d6 to determine the color: 1 - Red Dragon: fire damage; 2 - Blue Dragon: electric damage; 3 - Green Dragon: poison damage; 4 - Black Dragon: acid damage; 5 - White Dragon: ice damage; 6 - Rainbow: the wearer controls which elemental damage to use.
36 Coat of Fur- the coat runs into an animal skin of your choosing
37 Coat of Paint- the outer layer of the coat becomes sticky and wet. Applying it to something covers the object in paint of the coats color.
38 Cloak of storms - whenever a creature melee attacks the wearer they take 1d6 lightning damage and must succeed on a DC 13 saving throw or drop anything they are holding. The wearer is also resistant to lightning damage
39 Nightgown - You cast the sleep spell as if using a 5th level spell slot once when you get this coat. You also only need spend half as much time resting to achieve a long rest whole wearing this gown
40 Coat of Many Coats - Inside the pocket on this side is 1d4 more coats, that are normal nonmagical coats, that look akin to the Coat of Many Sides
41 Ancestral Coat - you take on the appearance of a relative of the person to whom you are speaking.
42 Cloak of Rage. It has a bright orange coloring. It raises strength, but lowers every other stat of an enemy. The CR of the enemy rises by 2.
43 Tuxedo and top hat. Earn respect across the land. Get offered more high value gear, but for a higher price.
44 Peasants’ robes. Earn a discount at shops, but for low quality gear.
45 Cloak of Good Luck. It is made of four leaf clovers, with a lucky horseshoe on the chest. Three slot machine style 7s line on the back. Lowers the amount needed to any kind of check. Also gives the player a chance to get random gold.
46 Cloak of Bad Luck. A grey cloak that is covered with the number 13. A broken mirror sits upon the chest of the cloak. Three irritated black cats line the back. Increases the amount needed for any kind of check. Random traps and enemies appear as well.
47 Raincoat of wetness. Coat continually looks like you just came in from a rainstorm dripping on the floor.
48 Coat of worms. Looks like worms are crawling all over you where a coat would normally hang. They occasionally drop off onto the ground.
49 Coat of distortion. Has optical illusions of black and white swirls all over. Anyone inspecting the coat closely causes confusion per the spell.
50 The Pettycoat: This sharp looking coat is made up of red fabric lined with black trim on the sleeves, collar, and lapel, and is decorated with swirling purple designs across the chest and shoulder that are somehow unpleasant to look at. Wearing this cloak gives the wearer advantage on Charisma checks that are about something trivial or insignificant. When the coat is being actively used, the designs begin to writhe slowly and unnervingly.
51 Farmers coat - an old battered, but sturdy brown coat that gives an air of ruggedness and attunement with the earth. Add proficiency bonus to nature and handle animal checks, but -1 to AC. Starts day with 1d4 handfuls of buckwheat in pockets. Refills each long rest.
52 Goldilocks Coat - Roll 1d4. On a 1 the coat is way too small; on a 2 the coat is a bit tight; on a 3 it’s a bit loose; and on a 4 it’s comically big.
53 Coat of the Binary - This a lovely, warm, well-made, and fashionable coat, but it is cut in a style that is distinctive to the gender that the wearer is not. If the coat is given to someone of the opposite gender, it transforms to be for the opposite gender to them. If it is worn by a person with no gender or a gender other than “male” or “female,” the coat retains its most recent appearance.
54 Snakeskin coat - The wearer's resistance to cold is lowered, and speed is reduced to half when in a cold environment. However, at an unspoken command, the coat allows them to 'slither' free of any tied or locked bonds.
55 Displacer coat- made from the hide of a displacer beast, it casts an illusion of the wearer a few feet away from were they actually are. The wearer can attempt to change the distance and direct of the illusion with with an arcana check.
56 Stoneskin coat - At a spoken command, the surface of the coat changes into many fist- to head-sized stones. This provides a bonus to concealment in rocky environments, but failing a strength check will render the user immobile and trapped under their weight, as well as suffering 1d4 damage per round.
57 Coat of many stones - The user will be able to reach into any pocket on the coat and produce a stone suitable for slinging or throwing.
58 Stoned coat - The user will be able to reach into any pocket on the coat and produce a small amount of a locally-available (possible illegal) drug. However, this item is not produced out of thin air. It is actually teleported away from the nearest mundane source, and will raise suspicion in the rightful owner. Using this power also makes the coat exude a strong smell of the substance so acquired.
59 Cloak of memories - This loose cloak is a nondescript grey in color, but upon close examination a subtle swirling pattern can be seen. The cloak has two magical effects, with a fifty percent random chance of either occurring: Remembering: Anybody interacting with the wearer beyond casual contact will, for good or ill, never forget them. Every action, every word, every detail will be recalled with perfect clarity, and may result in an unhealthy obsession; Forgetting: Anybody interacting with the wearer beyond casual contact will forget everything about that interaction upon leaving the wearer's presence. Anybody so affected will gradually become aware that they have a gap in their memory, and may address the issue as situationally appropriate.
60 Tribal Garb - a shamanistic set of vegetal robes that give you advantage for religion and performance checks for rituals and stealth rolls in overgrown or jungle-like environments, but disadvantage on stealth rolls in more urban environments and intimidation.
61 The Coat of Batkin - the coat turns black and grows to the size of a cape. It now grants the wearer double proficiency in melee attacks, increases their STR by 2 and gives their voice a gravely, deep tone (despite of race or gender). It also neglects fall damage, and once per short rest, the wearer can use a bonus action to gain a flying speed equal to its walking speed for 1 round.
62 Coat of Arms: the coat appears to be made from dozens of arms harvested from a variety of races and species. If the arm would normally have a grasping hand (instead of say, a hoof), it does so here, and can be used to hold a small object. The coat has no pockets, and items held by the hands are visible to all.
63 Coat of the Dream Druid: it gives the wearer ADV on interpreting dreams (knowledge arcana) and animal handling. It does, however, make the wearer insufferable.
64 Coat of No Return: When worn, the player cannot exit a room from the same threshold they entered in from. If the player dies wearing the coat, they cannot be resurrected.
65 Coat of Camelot's Widow: a double-breasted, strawberry pink coat with a navy trim, stained with the blood of a murdered monarch (the last bit optional if you are squeamish—or gorier if you relish it). The wearer gains the benefits of the True Appraisal spell and gains a bonus to persuasion checks when negotiating with art dealers and home decorators.
66 The Emperor's New Cloak: The cloak almost disapparates but gleams majestically. When worn it grants the wearer a bearing of nobility and they gain a charisma bonus of +5. However, when a NPC or player succeeds on a perception check of a 25, the wearer appears naked to everyone in eye shot.
67 In Sheep’s Clothing Coat: The wearer is transformed into a helpless sheep. The user is unable to take the coat off for 1d6 hours. Allows the player to communicate with other sheep, goats.
68 Technicolor Dream Coat: this coat of many colors can be worn during a long rest to have dreams that predict the future.
69 Three-Armed Coat: A third sleeve on the back of the coat hides a ghostly, blue arm. The arm grants the wearer an additional reaction before their turn.
70 Shrunken Coat: With a command the wearer can change size. The size is randomly determined but must be smaller than the wearer is currently.
71 Coat of Gilly: This coat appears messy, and is covered in detritus. Advantage on stealth while still, disadvantage if moving.
72 Kender Coat: Brightly colored with many pockets. If the wearer needs any non-magical item, roll a d4. If you roll a 4, you find the item in your pocket. May be used once per coat-shift, twice by halflings.
73 The Marquis de Carabas' coat: It's a formal black knee length coat filled with hidden pockets. The PC must make a perception check of 15 to find what he is looking for in the coat. On a perception of 25 or more the PC discovers all items hidden in the coat.
74 Coat with Nothing to Declare: Allows the wearer to enter any city or port if they are carrying no luggage and respond to any questions by authorities in fewer than 3 syllables. The wearer also waives any custom fees. Inside pocket magically contains documents and identity papers that corroborates the wearer's claims.
75 Beaver Coat: this furry side of the coat instantly blends any wood it touches. Can protect the wearer from damage from wooden weapons.
76 Firefly Coat: looks normal, but glows in the dark when the wearer is horny.
77 Crow Coat: made of black crow feathers, grants the user a +3 Intelligence bonus.
78 Owl Coat: made of white owl feathers, grants the user a +3 Wisdom bonus.
79 Spider Coat: this chitinous side of the coat makes the user's hands and feet (or gloves and shoes, if worn) sticky, giving them climbing speed equal to half their normal speed. Roll a d20. On a 20, the coat becomes a Spider Dragon Coat, that also has the ability to spawn a swarm of spiderlings that will fight for the wearer, once each two rounds, without costing them an action.
80 Human Coat: looks normal, but turns the wearer into an egocentric asshole.
81 Kenku Coat: this red, silky coat side makes the wearer able to replicate any sound they ever heard. People listening to it must pass on a CR 14 Perception check to know it's an imitation.
82 Mimic Coat: looks like a dark, chaotic mass of tentacles and pseudopods, until the wearer wills it to make them look like something else. The perfect disguise.
83 Queen Velour's Gown: Resembles Velour's form fitting red garb that she wore when she battled Shea Couleé for the crown. When the wearer successfully hits an opponent, rose petals erupt from the point of contact and the party gains +1 morale bonus for attack rolls and saves (cumalative for up to 4 points). At will, wearer can cast Lock Gaze, granting your allies concealment. Ain't it shocking what love can do?
84 Coat of narration: the coat takes in the appearance of a normal cost for the time period but an audible narration is heard by everyone in a 10 ft radius. Stealth rolls are at a disadvantage towards creatures within this radius.
85 Coat of Annoyance: The coat resembles a normal looking coat but has a mind of its own and reacts to the wearer's movements and thoughts. The coat does not hesitate to annoy the wearer by becoming stiff, itchy, and could even become a straight-jacket if the coat is feeling devious enough. The only way to please the coat for a while is to give it coins in its pockets.
86 Coat of tacos and cucumbers: switches the wearers gender while worn. Undetectable except by truesight.
87 Coat of androgeny: removes any sign of gender.
88 Coat of many races: wearer looks like themselves except if they were a different race. No change to stats.
89 Cardigan : gives the appearance of being a little old man/woman wearing a cardigan. A packet of mints or butterscotch appears in one of the pockets when transformed .
90 Coat of melodrama: everything the wearer says is said in the most melodramatic way, regardless of how mundane the topic might be
91 Turncoat: switches the wearers alignment.
92 Reign Coat: makes the wearer look identical to the current reigning monarch. Can open many doors but best hope you don't run into the real deal.
93 Lab Coat: turns the wearer into a Labrador, though they maintain their own mental stats. Bonus on alchemy checks in this form, though disadvantage to trying to make stuff because paws.
94 Peacoat: looks like a well made peacoat, is nice and warm and give advantage on nature checks relating to vegetables.
95 Coat Rack: gives the wearer the appearance of having a gorgeous set of boobs. Doesn't change gender.
96 Vested Interest: transforms into a vest and any NPC they talk to will be very interested in them and try to prolong the conversation, for better or worse.
97 Full Metal Jacket: wearer becomes encased in metal as per the tin man from wizard of oz. Bonus +2 to AC, but speed reduced by 10 ft and must take a bonus action every 2 rounds to grease the joints.
98 Fuzzy Jumper: transforms into a fluffy woollen jumper. Can cast the jump spell at will.
99 Christmas Jumper: transforms into an ugly Christmas sweater. Neutral NPCs will become friendly as they share a laugh at how silly the jumper is.
100 Double Coat: Combines the effects of two other coats on this list! Roll two more times, ignoring this result.
submitted by SheogorathGaming to d100 [link] [comments]

[Lets Build] The Coat of Many Sides!

[COMPLETED]

(This is a repost of my older one so that we can hopefully complete it this time)
The Coat of Many Sides, a homebrew item made by u/CharlesMayne, is a coat that shifts between many different forms when the command word is spoken. I think it's a very good concept, and I think that it could benefit well from a d100 list.
Let's get crackin' jimbo.
Dice Roll Side
1 Noble Jacket - Gain ADV on any CHR checks dealing with nobility or other people of social status.
2 Warm Thick Coat - Resist cold damage and gain ADV on any CON save pertaining to cold damage
3 Fancy Red Coat - Any CHR check to barter add your proficiency bonus (expert if proficient)
4 Black Leather Duster - Gain proficiency bonus to investigation checks, on the next failed investigation check you can treat the roll as if you made a natural 20
5 Worn Leather Vest - When you talk with common people or skilled craftsman gain ADV on CHR checks
6 Coat of Arms - When this side is chosen gain a random magic weapon (DM's choice) you gain proficiency with it, and it is a +2. (If the weapon is dropped for longer than 1 minute or if dispel magic is cast on it the weapon fades
7 Religious Robe - Gain a vestment of a random deity or religious group, you gain ADV on all checks related to that group or deity
8 Cloak of Little Color - looks the same as the coat of many sides but all the colorful patches are replaced by some shade of gray. This gives the user ADV on Stealth checks in dark and dimly lit areas.
9 Thief's Cloak - Gain proficiency with Thieves' Tools, understand Thieves' Cant. When you make any CHR check with a criminal do so with ADV. All checks with lawmen is at DIS.
10 Coat of Armor - The coat becomes a set of Full Plate Mail, you are proficient with it and you do not suffer DIS on stealth checks while wearing it.
11 Cape of Flames - Visible trail of flames follows you where ever you go. Lights all flammable objects on fire, and deals 1d6 points of fire damage to any enemies who end their turn within 5 feet of you. Gain Fire Resistance
12 Invisible Coat - The coat is invisible, anything hidden inside the coat is also invisible (not under or covered, inside) Inside the side of the coat is a hidden pocket DC 15 INV check to discover that doubles as a bag of holding. This bag can hold up to 50 lbs of items. Items can be placed into the coat while in this form but can only be taken out when the coat is in its standard form.
13 Coatie - The coat gains consciousness and starts giving its wearer bad advice
14 The Patchwork Coat - Allows the wearer to pass unquestioned through the underbelly of society. So long as the wearer does not speak or interact with somebody of higher station, they go ignored by said folks.
15 The Long Sleeved Coat - The sleeves are several feet long and strapped to the back of the coat. Wearers are restrained though feet are free to allow movement. Must use an escape or performance check to break free of the restraints.
16 The Muffler - A nice suede jacket with a high collar that covers the moth and nose of the wearer. This grants advantage on saves against poisonous clouds or smoke and enables wearer to cast purely verbal spells without detection. Wearer's volume limited to a whisper.
17 The Coat of Many Eyes- You can see in all directions, but you look like a horrifying lovecraftian nightmare.
18 The Coat of Many Mouths- You can amplify your voice to defining levels, but you look like a horrifying lovecraftian nightmare.
19 The Coat of Many Ears- You have incredible hearing being able to filter sound and hear far away things, but you look like a horrifying lovecraftian nightmare
20 Pablo Picascoat- At certain parts the coat looks smooth and flowing but at other parts cubes stick out for no reason. Very good for artistic events.
21 Concrete Coat- Characters have to make a STR save or fall to the ground immobilized. Mobility is heavily decreased even if you make it.
22 Winter Coat: The coat becomes a thick pelt, magically warm, allowing the user to endure frigid environments with no penalties. However, it gives the user 1 level of exhaustion per day if used in not-cold environments.
23 Summer Coat: The coat becomes a light, thin silk, magically cool, allowing the user to endure scorching environments with no penalties. However, it gives the user 1 level of exhaustion per day if used in not-hot environments.
24 Camouflage Coat: The coat gains a coloured pattern, giving the user a +5 bonus to stealth in specific environments. However, it gives a -5 bonus if not on the correct environment. Roll 2d8 on this table to select the environments, rerolling if you get equal numbers: Arctic, Coast, Desert, Forest, Grassland, Mountain, Swamp, Urban
25 Cloak of Calming. It has an elegant green color. Temporarily changes the alignment of an evil/unaligned enemy to true neutral or neutral good if a nat 20 is rolled.
26 A Red Spandex Suit. Offers full health regeneration once every 10 battles. It also boosts dexterity and constitution.
27 Orange Parka. Very unlucky. Lifts the amount needed for every type of check. If a player dies while wearing this, another player must proclaim “Oh my God! They killed (player’s name)!” and a second player must follow it with “You bastards!”
25 Coat of Invitation - While wearing this shimmering silver coat, you can cast Disguise Self at will, and can produce a blank piece of paper that will serve as an invitation to any event needed.
26 Copy Coat- Coat that allows initial owner to take on the appearance of the last person that wore, and it reveals their actual form. If someone with their own appearance altering enchantment wears it, what they hide is revealed when worn by owner of the coat.
27 Coat of the Arachnid- A silky looking coat that is made from spiders web that you can unwind at will and allows you to utilize at your will. Let's you make traps, security systems, and let's you track movement.
28 Coat of Binding - turns into a straight jacket, that binds and gags the wearer. DC 20 to strength or Dex save their way out of it.
29 Coat Cape - coat flaps in the wind (even if there is none) and allows wearer to fly at half their base speed for 1d10 hours. They are not told how long it will last.
30 Invisible Coat - coat turns invisible. Wearer does not. No other special abilities
31 Tuna Coat - The cloth turns into oily fish skin, and the wearer gains water breathing capacities.
32 Porcupine Coat - The coat grows spikes on the outer surface. Creatures attacking the wearer with their body must make a CR 15 Dex check. On a fail, they take 1d6 piercing damage.
33 Cat Coat - The coat grows a furry tail, and the wearer gains +2 on stealth and acrobatics checks.
34 Rust Monster Coat - The outer surface of the coat becomes the skin of a rust monster. Any metal that touches it is immediately rusted, but the wearer can still take damage from it.
35 Dragon Coat - The cloth turns into colored dragon scales, and the wearer gets a 15 feet long conic breath attack that deals 5d8 damage. Roll a 1d6 to determine the color: 1 - Red Dragon: fire damage; 2 - Blue Dragon: electric damage; 3 - Green Dragon: poison damage; 4 - Black Dragon: acid damage; 5 - White Dragon: ice damage; 6 - Rainbow: the wearer controls which elemental damage to use.
36 Coat of Fur- the coat runs into an animal skin of your choosing
37 Coat of Paint- the outer layer of the coat becomes sticky and wet. Applying it to something covers the object in paint of the coats color.
38 Cloak of storms - whenever a creature melee attacks the wearer they take 1d6 lightning damage and must succeed on a DC 13 saving throw or drop anything they are holding. The wearer is also resistant to lightning damage
39 Nightgown - You cast the sleep spell as if using a 5th level spell slot once when you get this coat. You also only need spend half as much time resting to achieve a long rest whole wearing this gown
40 Coat of Many Coats - Inside the pocket on this side is 1d4 more coats, that are normal nonmagical coats, that look akin to the Coat of Many Sides
41 Ancestral Coat - you take on the appearance of a relative of the person to whom you are speaking.
42 Cloak of Rage. It has a bright orange coloring. It raises strength, but lowers every other stat of an enemy. The CR of the enemy rises by 2.
43 Tuxedo and top hat. Earn respect across the land. Get offered more high value gear, but for a higher price.
44 Peasants’ robes. Earn a discount at shops, but for low quality gear.
45 Cloak of Good Luck. It is made of four leaf clovers, with a lucky horseshoe on the chest. Three slot machine style 7s line on the back. Lowers the amount needed to any kind of check. Also gives the player a chance to get random gold.
46 Cloak of Bad Luck. A grey cloak that is covered with the number 13. A broken mirror sits upon the chest of the cloak. Three irritated black cats line the back. Increases the amount needed for any kind of check. Random traps and enemies appear as well.
47 Raincoat of wetness. Coat continually looks like you just came in from a rainstorm dripping on the floor.
48 Coat of worms. Looks like worms are crawling all over you where a coat would normally hang. They occasionally drop off onto the ground.
49 Coat of distortion. Has optical illusions of black and white swirls all over. Anyone inspecting the coat closely causes confusion per the spell.
50 The Pettycoat: This sharp looking coat is made up of red fabric lined with black trim on the sleeves, collar, and lapel, and is decorated with swirling purple designs across the chest and shoulder that are somehow unpleasant to look at. Wearing this cloak gives the wearer advantage on Charisma checks that are about something trivial or insignificant. When the coat is being actively used, the designs begin to writhe slowly and unnervingly.
51 Farmers coat - an old battered, but sturdy brown coat that gives an air of ruggedness and attunement with the earth. Add proficiency bonus to nature and handle animal checks, but -1 to AC. Starts day with 1d4 handfuls of buckwheat in pockets. Refills each long rest.
52 Goldilocks Coat - Roll 1d4. On a 1 the coat is way too small; on a 2 the coat is a bit tight; on a 3 it’s a bit loose; and on a 4 it’s comically big.
53 Coat of the Binary - This a lovely, warm, well-made, and fashionable coat, but it is cut in a style that is distinctive to the gender that the wearer is not. If the coat is given to someone of the opposite gender, it transforms to be for the opposite gender to them. If it is worn by a person with no gender or a gender other than “male” or “female,” the coat retains its most recent appearance.
54 Snakeskin coat - The wearer's resistance to cold is lowered, and speed is reduced to half when in a cold environment. However, at an unspoken command, the coat allows them to 'slither' free of any tied or locked bonds.
55 Displacer coat- made from the hide of a displacer beast, it casts an illusion of the wearer a few feet away from were they actually are. The wearer can attempt to change the distance and direct of the illusion with with an arcana check.
56 Stoneskin coat - At a spoken command, the surface of the coat changes into many fist- to head-sized stones. This provides a bonus to concealment in rocky environments, but failing a strength check will render the user immobile and trapped under their weight, as well as suffering 1d4 damage per round.
57 Coat of many stones - The user will be able to reach into any pocket on the coat and produce a stone suitable for slinging or throwing.
58 Stoned coat - The user will be able to reach into any pocket on the coat and produce a small amount of a locally-available (possible illegal) drug. However, this item is not produced out of thin air. It is actually teleported away from the nearest mundane source, and will raise suspicion in the rightful owner. Using this power also makes the coat exude a strong smell of the substance so acquired.
59 Cloak of memories - This loose cloak is a nondescript grey in color, but upon close examination a subtle swirling pattern can be seen. The cloak has two magical effects, with a fifty percent random chance of either occurring: Remembering: Anybody interacting with the wearer beyond casual contact will, for good or ill, never forget them. Every action, every word, every detail will be recalled with perfect clarity, and may result in an unhealthy obsession; Forgetting: Anybody interacting with the wearer beyond casual contact will forget everything about that interaction upon leaving the wearer's presence. Anybody so affected will gradually become aware that they have a gap in their memory, and may address the issue as situationally appropriate.
60 Tribal Garb - a shamanistic set of vegetal robes that give you advantage for religion and performance checks for rituals and stealth rolls in overgrown or jungle-like environments, but disadvantage on stealth rolls in more urban environments and intimidation.
61 The Coat of Batkin - the coat turns black and grows to the size of a cape. It now grants the wearer double proficiency in melee attacks, increases their STR by 2 and gives their voice a gravely, deep tone (despite of race or gender). It also neglects fall damage, and once per short rest, the wearer can use a bonus action to gain a flying speed equal to its walking speed for 1 round.
62 Coat of Arms: the coat appears to be made from dozens of arms harvested from a variety of races and species. If the arm would normally have a grasping hand (instead of say, a hoof), it does so here, and can be used to hold a small object. The coat has no pockets, and items held by the hands are visible to all.
63 Technicolor Dream Coat: it gives the wearer ADV on interpreting dreams (knowledge arcana) and animal handling. It does, however, make the wearer insufferable.
64 Coat of No Return: When worn, the player cannot exit a room from the same threshold they entered in from. If the player dies wearing the coat, they cannot be resurrected.
65 Coat of Camelot's Widow: a double-breasted, strawberry pink coat with a navy trim, stained with the blood of a murdered monarch (the last bit optional if you are squeamish—or gorier if you relish it). The wearer gains the benefits of the True Appraisal spell and gains a bonus to persuasion checks when negotiating with art dealers and home decorators.
66 The Emperor's New Cloak: The cloak almost disapparates but gleams majestically. When worn it grants the wearer a bearing of nobility and they gain a charisma bonus of +5. However, when a NPC or player succeeds on a perception check of a 25, the wearer appears naked to everyone in eye shot.
67 In Sheep’s Clothing Coat: The wearer is transformed into a helpless sheep. The user is unable to take the coat off for 1d6 hours. Allows the player to communicate with other sheep, goats.
68 Technicolor Dream Coat: this coat of many colors can be worn during a long rest to have dreams that predict the future.
69 Three-Armed Coat: A third sleeve on the back of the coat hides a ghostly, blue arm. The arm grants the wearer an additional reaction before their turn.
70 Shrunken Coat: With a command the wearer can change size. The size is randomly determined but must be smaller than the wearer is currently.
71 Coat of Gilly: This coat appears messy, and is covered in detritus. Advantage on stealth while still, disadvantage if moving.
72 Kender Coat: Brightly colored with many pockets. If the wearer needs any non-magical item, roll a d4. If you roll a 4, you find the item in your pocket. May be used once per coat-shift, twice by halflings.
73 The Marquis de Carabas' coat: It's a formal black knee length coat filled with hidden pockets. The PC must make a perception check of 15 to find what he is looking for in the coat. On a perception of 25 or more the PC discovers all items hidden in the coat.
74 Coat with Nothing to Declare: Allows the wearer to enter any city or port if they are carrying no luggage and respond to any questions by authorities in fewer than 3 syllables. The wearer also waives any custom fees. Inside pocket magically contains documents and identity papers that corroborates the wearer's claims.
75 Beaver Coat: this furry side of the coat instantly blends any wood it touches. Can protect the wearer from damage from wooden weapons.
76 Firefly Coat: looks normal, but glows in the dark when the wearer is horny.
77 Crow Coat: made of black crow feathers, grants the user a +3 Intelligence bonus.
78 Owl Coat: made of white owl feathers, grants the user a +3 Wisdom bonus.
79 Spider Coat: this chitinous side of the coat makes the user's hands and feet (or gloves and shoes, if worn) sticky, giving them climbing speed equal to half their normal speed. Roll a d20. On a 20, the coat becomes a Spider Dragon Coat, that also has the ability to spawn a swarm of spiderlings that will fight for the wearer, once each two rounds, without costing them an action.
80 Human Coat: looks normal, but turns the wearer into an egocentric asshole.
81 Kenku Coat: this red, silky coat side makes the wearer able to replicate any sound they ever heard. People listening to it must pass on a CR 14 Perception check to know it's an imitation.
82 Mimic Coat: looks like a dark, chaotic mass of tentacles and pseudopods, until the wearer wills it to make them look like something else. The perfect disguise.
83 Queen Velour's Gown: Resembles Velour's form fitting red garb that she wore when she battled Shea Couleé for the crown. When the wearer successfully hits an opponent, rose petals erupt from the point of contact and the party gains +1 morale bonus for attack rolls and saves (cumalative for up to 4 points). At will, wearer can cast Lock Gaze, granting your allies concealment. Ain't it shocking what love can do?
84 Coat of narration: the coat takes in the appearance of a normal cost for the time period but an audible narration is heard by everyone in a 10 ft radius. Stealth rolls are at a disadvantage towards creatures within this radius.
85 Coat of Annoyance: The coat resembles a normal looking coat but has a mind of its own and reacts to the wearer's movements and thoughts. The coat does not hesitate to annoy the wearer by becoming stiff, itchy, and could even become a straight-jacket if the coat is feeling devious enough. The only way to please the coat for a while is to give it coins in its pockets.
86 Coat of tacos and cucumbers: switches the wearers gender while worn. Undetectable except by truesight.
87 Coat of androgeny: removes any sign of gender.
88 Coat of many races: wearer looks like themselves except if they were a different race. No change to stats.
89 Cardigan : gives the appearance of being a little old man/woman wearing a cardigan. A packet of mints or butterscotch appears in one of the pockets when transformed .
90 Coat of melodrama: everything the wearer says is said in the most melodramatic way, regardless of how mundane the topic might be
91 Turncoat: switches the wearers alignment.
92 Reign Coat: makes the wearer look identical to the current reigning monarch. Can open many doors but best hope you don't run into the real deal.
93 Lab Coat: turns the wearer into a Labrador, though they maintain their own mental stats. Bonus on alchemy checks in this form, though disadvantage to trying to make stuff because paws.
94 Peacoat: looks like a well made peacoat, is nice and warm and give advantage on nature checks relating to vegetables.
95 Coat Rack: gives the wearer the appearance of having a gorgeous set of boobs. Doesn't change gender.
96 Vested Interest: transforms into a vest and any NPC they talk to will be very interested in them and try to prolong the conversation, for better or worse.
97 Full Metal Jacket: wearer becomes encased in metal as per the tin man from wizard of oz. Bonus +2 to AC, but speed reduced by 10 ft and must take a bonus action every 2 rounds to grease the joints.
98 Fuzzy Jumper: transforms into a fluffy woollen jumper. Can cast the jump spell at will.
99 Christmas Jumper: transforms into an ugly Christmas sweater. Neutral NPCs will become friendly as they share a laugh at how silly the jumper is.
100 Double Coat: Combines the effects of two other coats on this list! Roll two more times, ignoring this result.
submitted by SheogorathGaming to d100 [link] [comments]

The SGT Sunscreen Saga - Part Five

Off Base
Once in awhile, when the stars align, you are allowed off base in AIT. Since I was a barracks rat, this prohibition on fun didn’t really affect me all too much. Fort Gordon, for those of you blessed enough not to know the area, really offers only three venues for soldiers – the mall, the tattoo shop, and the bar. There are eateries on base - a Waffle House, Popeye’s and a Taco Bell, but they usually involves people who outrank you. I am an E1, everyone outranks me, no thanks.
The mall is where you go to see Privates in the wild. If you’re ever around an AIT base, you’ll know it in a heartbeat. Go to a mall on a Friday around 6.30 and sit down in the food court. About five minutes in, you’ll see what you swear is a community college brochure come to life. You’ll get a black guy in a Bulls jersey joking with a white guy in cowboy boots, with an Asian guy in a button-up right behind. There are no “work-friends” anymore. Training is temporary, and time out is oh-so limited, so friends are your fellow soldiers, period.
One thing the commercials get right is the diversity in the Army. One way diversity shows up is how everyone dresses. Everyone’s got their own style, and when you’re “back on the block” you usually hang out with people with the same clothing style. Thing about the Army is, you have no idea what people wear other than the uniform. I honestly forgot jeans were a thing until after Basic.
As such, you make friends without knowledge of their style - almost like we’re human beings. Normally, if you approach me in a Tap Out shirt, cargo shorts, a backwards hat, flip flops and some sort of ill-fitting costume jewelry, I might avoid you. I’m sorry. Likewise, if you are just vehemently anti-flannel, we might have to be in different social circles – it is what it is. No love lost. So, the Augusta Mall, about ten minutes by taxi out of the gate, was where these packs of wild enlisted would roam - always in threes. Now, this mall had the typical amenities - a Gamestop, clothes and sporting goods stores, a food court and around seven Lids stores. Seven. One style I inexplicably picked up in the South was wearing those flat-billed hats - truly one of my biggest regrets in life. To be fair, I shaved my head every two weeks, so stupid hats made me look a bit less like a skinhead.
The real problem arose when I maintained this haircut after getting home, because I’m a cheap bastard. It wasn’t until a woman pulled her child out of an aisle I was shopping in I that I connected the dots - shaved head, blue eyes, leather jacket, motorcycle hel- … ohhhhhhh shit. Nobody ever told me either, they had me looking like the Nazi Youth for a solid year. Anyway, that’s the mall. However, the Augusta Mall, like all shopping centers around military bases - cater to stupid eighteen year olds with lots of cash. Now, everyone loves payday. For most of the world, it’s the time you can pay off enough of the bills to keep the lights on and buy yourself a celebratory Happy Meal. For soldiers, all Hell breaks loose. Now, we’ve established my conservative tendencies, but most of the armed forces does not agree with my frugality. We live on the “edge,” and most motherfuckers spend their paychecks on weekends and lady friends – I can’t blame them, honestly - nothing beats some good ol’ fashioned,booze-fueled, consensual sex. I understand it now, I didn’t then.
Now, as an E1, you're looking at maybe $600 a paycheck on the first and fifteenth. This is big money for a guy whose only previous job experience involved directing parking every summer at county fairs. One thing about my upbringing, is that I’ve never been “rich.” Of course, I always had food to eat, and a roof over my head, but that’s because my parents worked multiple jobs, and undeniably busted ass for us kids to get where we got. Being raised in this environment though, meant that you’d grow up to be frugal motherfucker – which I am to this day. I spent about 15 dollars a week during training, and came home with 10 g’s.
Some guys were broke by day three. Why? Because we’re fucking kids, that’s why. I had a roomie buy a 600 dollar knife, multiple times. Privates were buying cars, and jewelry, and whatever the fuck else teenagers buy. Meanwhile, I was shaving my head every two weeks to save the seven dollars from the barber. My biggest purchase? Skyrim, the day it came out, and I was entirely too stressed over the purchase … with thousands in the bank.
There’s a reason you find a lot of homeless vets - there’s not a ton of fiscal training, and the only repercussion for spending all your cash in Active Duty is not being able to go out anymore - rent and food is paid for. Anyways, at least partly responsible for this financial shitbaggery are the predatory merchants everywhere around bases.
The worst are car dealerships - offering you automatic loans solely for being in the military. The problem that many of my fellow soldiers discovered is that while twenty bucks a month for an iPad may seem like a good idea, the final price was somewhere around 2500 bucks - the Mustang everyone somehow buys winds up being in the 60’s. Plus, attractive chicks aggressively try to sell you jewelry “for your girl back home.” Even outside of the PX, there’s a couple guys trying to sell you a fucking claymore sword with your “family crest” on it for about a thousand dollars. A claymore, for those of you who haven’t seen Braveheart, is a 5-6’ two-handed sword. Where they thought we’d be stashing these massive melee weapons I don’t know. One kid actually bought one, and when he tried to bring it up into the barracks, he was sent directly to the post office to send it home. If they don’t let us keep Swiss Army knives in our rooms, I don’t know how he thought they’d let this William Wallace monstrosity through the doors. Whatever, this was shopping, one of the three venues.
The next hotspot was the tattoo parlor - there are more tattoo shops around an Army base than Starbucks in Orange County. Trust me on this.
There’s a few ways to tell someone’s in the military when they’re outside of uniform. If they are really playing up the “Army” aspect at a bar, you’ll probably catch some dog tags around their neck – you’ve found yourself a Private. Just as obvious, for males, is the haircut. Again, if they seem to be surrounded by people with similar haircuts, but in vastly different clothing styles, you might have a winner. If you’re in California and hear a country drawl, there you go. When that fails, check for that tattoo. Tattooing is almost synonymous with enlisted soldiers. It’s a rite of passage. Having one bad tattoo, bringing home a “4,” waking up hungover and missing pants – everyone’s got a story. I, of course, wanted to be no different.
As soon as you graduate Basic, you have a honeymoon period with the Army. You’re a “real soldier” now, part of the team – completely unjaded. 18 year olds also find themselves with some real dough for the first time in a while. What does unbridled patriotism, a heightened sense of toughness and a couple thousand dollars equal? A tattoo. A terrible, terrible tattoo. For a lot of reasons, the Army is like high school. The jocks (infantry) look down on the junior varsity (other combat arms) who finally look at everyone else like they’re the founding members of the Scrabble Club. As the founding member of my high school’s Scrabble club, it was offensive, but entirely deserved.
Another high school attitude in the military is that being too “in to” something is lame. Unlike that kid who only watched anime and ran through the halls with his wheelie backpack, you gotta blend in. The problem is, is that tattoos are supposedly a permanent art form. The thing is, when you were drunk on “hooah,” all these privates went out and got the American flags, the Iwo Jima picture, maybe an eagle. Now, there are tons of excellently done patriotic tattoos. However, some are essentially the “tribal tattoos” of the Army. “One shot, one kill” for example. You’ve got “Death before Dishonor.” One poor kid got the whole soldier’s creed on his ribs. But none hold a battery-operated church candle to one proud private. Down his arm, from shoulder to elbow was “Hooah!” in Army script. I’m sure he regrets that now. Be smart about your ink everybody.
So, about four or five times over the months of AIT I’d go with a buddy while they got tattoos. Of course, I was pretty uncomfortable in the tattoo parlor we frequented - the dude at the front literally had flames tatt’d from his eyebrows to the back of his head, with spacers in his nose. You weren’t finding the social upper crust in downtown Augusta, that’s for sure. Anyways, some guys get tattoos as often as people go to the movies - with the same amount of forethought.
“Wanna see a movie?” “Yeah!”
“Wanna get tatted?” “Sure!”
So I had my sleeve-length tattoos all drawn out - yeah, sleeves. Plus I had all the upper arm and chest tatts I drew on myself once in Sharpie - It took a week to wash off, and I had to be careful no one saw me in the shower, because that’s how you get nicknames. At the end of the day, I ended up bitching out, which I’m glad I did, or else I’d be explaining a few lewd tattoos to a grandkid a few years down the line.
The third venue that we trainees frequented was the bars. I never went - I hadn’t so much as sipped a beer until my first time home on leave. However, it was always evident who went out during the recall formation. Every weekend night, there would be an accountability formation held at 11 PM, and you had to have your ass back there.
Warning - here comes a rant. We weren’t allowed weekend passes like other companies, couldn’t buy a vehicle like other companies, and couldn’t live off post like other companies - despite these privileges being authorized by the Post Commander. Now, I have yet to be disparaging about any officers, because that’s not how I do things. Thing is though, in training companies, officers are attached there temporarily - so they don’t really give a shit about their soldiers since they are already on their way out the door. The problem with this is that officers will arbitrarily restrict soldiers’ activities in order to make themselves look good. It was constantly brought up that our company had no drug, alcohol or violence issues in something like 500 days - a battalion record for which the CO, not the soldiers, got the recognition. While the CO got another bullet point on the performance review, all 300 soldiers slowly went stir-crazy at our confinement. My battle buddies from other companies were having hotel parties,or driving home for the weekend. while we stood in the cold for role to be called. Rant over, but it was some real horseshit. To all future leaders, look out for your soldiers, and your soldiers will look out for you. We’re not stupid, we know when you’re playing games.
Anyways, because soldiers drink like … soldiers, half the company was blitzed out of their minds at recall. I normally had no issue with this - do what you do. The issue came about when drunk people, as drunk people do, decided to run their mouths at inopportune times.
Before you were allowed to head inside the barracks, an alphabetical roster had to be read through and then your ID had to be checked at the door. The poor bastards at the end of the roster knew their time wasn’t coming for a while, and so would chatter and yell through the whole thing. Some duty sergeants - pissed that they didn’t get to be buzzed on a fine Friday evening, would stop role entirely until the commotion died down - it didn’t. They’d yell “Abner” or “Alvarez” and the peanut gallery would scream “AWOL!” or “He’s dead!”and laugh and laugh. By the third or fourth name, the especially ornery NCO’s would put everyone in the front-leaning rest until it was over. All in all, weekend bed check normally took an hour at the earliest, up to two at the worst. So, I’m “M,” middle of the pack regardless. I’d go inside, brush my teeth, and watch a little TV in my room, then rack out. The inebriated folks would run through the hallway screaming, or kicking in doors, or lighting shit on fire until the duty NCO came upstairs, yelled, and sent everyone to bed. This was life for nine months.
My weekends usually went a bit differently than the drinkers. Now, I’ve since had my “drink, get into shenanigans and generally live an entirely unsustainable lifestyle” phase. Hell, I lived in a frat house. I’m 23, and if I make it to 30, it is a gift from God. Anyways, my AIT Fridays, in contrast, were some depressing shit. There’s no food allowed in the barracks – none. Seriously, Sergeants would open ceiling tiles and flip lockers to find some Poptarts (Hint - hide them under layers of civilian clothes or in ziploc bags in the latrine ceiling.)
Fortunately, about a hundred yards away from our barracks was the “IET” Initial Entry … something, essentially a rec room with a pool table, a couple tv’s, a coffee shop and a mini Domino’s Pizza inside. I was a regular, because NCO’s weren’t allowed in - not that they’d want to be in there anyway.
I had a very rigid weekend schedule. Fridays, we got off at five, so I went to chow with buddies, returned to watch How I Met Your Mother until 8, then off to the IET to buy cheesy bread and a Sprite. Return by nine, watch a movie until recall, then sleep. Everyone else got their drink on while I patiently waited for Ted and Robin to hook up. I finished that show four times - this was before the horseshit final season. It was one of the only shows on my hard drive.
Saturday and Sunday I’d form up at nine, and get that beautiful breakfast chow, Now, it’s a proven fact that breakfast food is the best food. If Ron Swanson says it, you live it. Breakfast is the best part of the Army - by far. Maybe it’s just so we don’t have even more reason to kill ourselves, but, again, Army food isn’t bad. Seriously.
So, every day we’re not in the field you get some powdered eggs, some bacon or sausage, and biscuits or something - they even had some fancy parfaits if you were feeling especially dainty. Bomb-dig spread there, Army. Plus, I’d fill a couple cups with ice, then throw the coffee on, mix in some chocolate milk - boom. You’d think I was Bobby Flay for thinking of making iced coffee. There was no rational reason for missing breakfast chow. Plus, you knew that PT is over for the day, and that makes the occasional pancake so much better. After lunch, it was either the mall or the px, be back by dinner, watch a movie, then get to recall. I was a real party fucking animal.
This would go on for months. Nine sad, long, unchanging months. I stopped going on Facebook because people back home having fun made me sad. Not quite sad enough to kill myself though, that would be another guy.
The Classroom
When we weren’t busy raking lines in dirt, eating breakfast, or killing ourselves, we went to class. This was the entire point of being at Gordon - learning our specific job. Really it’s where we spent months in a windowless room with computers, only to venture outside to step inside bigger computers with satellite dishes. Before you ask, there was no internet on the computers, and we could not have our phones on us from 7 AM until 5 PM. For the thousands of hours I spent in Sierra training, I have almost nothing funny to contribute - it was by far the most brain-numbingly boring activity I think one can complete. They spent a week teaching us binary, for really no fucking reason.
It took me about a month of class before I asked when we’d learn about the drones my recruiter had promised me, and the instructors laughed their asses off. It was then that reality sank in - I was in for a rough year.
My job, as a 25Sierra, is essentially being the Army’s wifi - I turn on my equipment, hit a few buttons, and blam, I’m done. Really, the training could have been thoroughly completed in two weeks. The shit we were trained on - for months - isn’t even in use anymore. I got to my unit after training and they said they hadn’t used the equipment I’d been trained on for over a decade. Half our training was on “satellite theory” - as if we fucking needed to know about geosynchronous orbits and signal polarity to make the antenna autotrack. I got so bored I created a lavish beach scene out of router connections and modems on the training module - I spent three whole days on it - until I was discovered and smoked accordingly. They were even less impressed when I made the giant robot attacking it the next day. I’m hoping it’s still lurking in some database somewhere in the schoolhouse - I put a lot of work into it.
I think the most important lesson learned in the schoolhouse was the danger of wearing civilian clothes, as an instructor, to the schoolhouse.
We had one instructor, who thought he was the House, MD of satellite communications. He was always yelling, and tried his damndest to ensure that we, the peasants, feared him. He was moderately successful with his ruse until he showed up on his day off, and we lost all respect for this dude. There he stood, with some Beatles glasses, a billowing Red Wings jersey, baggy cargo pants, and TOE SHOES. Yeah, those goofy fucking toe shoes! Man, it was tough to listen to the guy after that. Note to all you future leaders out there - stay in uniform.
I'm not sure how it worked in other training schools, but in AIT, when we got to class, we had to form up and sing the "Army Song," “The Signal Corps March,” and recite the "Soldier's Creed." Every day.
This daily routine is performed by a soldier pulled - at random - from the formation. Now, this was before my vocal smart-ass phase, so I was not on the leadership’s radar. (Instructors at the schoolhouse are different from those who are responsible for you at the barracks. Think of your grumpy landlord versus an equally alcoholic professor.)
So, since I was Non-Descript White Private #6, I blended in. I hadn't said a word to any of the instructors outside my classroom, so they didn't know how my voice sounded.
This went on until the last fucking day, seriously the last fucking day of class. Out of the blue, I get called up to sing it out. However, the end was in sight - I could see the light. So, I thought, fuck it.
Now, due to my complete lack of athletic ability, general intelligence, or prowess with the ladies, I've had to develop a special set of skills. While rescuing chicks on boats and karate-chopping Albanians would be my number one choice, I had to settle for the fact that I can make a lot of different "voices" - my favorite being a pretty good imitation of the old-school Batman narrator. So I take my place at the head of the formation, and I belt out the "Soldier's Creed" in the voice, straight-faced. The soldiers in formation started laughing, but the leadership didn't really respond - maybe this kid is just fucking retarded.
I get through all the songs n' such, and it comes time to march us in for another riveting day of bullshit. When you march in a formation ("File from the left, column left!") the first soldier in each line yells something to their line (either "stand fast" or "forward") What these cheeky bastards did was copy my voice as best they could. Not cool guys. And at that moment of realization, the head instructor sprinted over, nose to my cheek, and screamed
"What the FUCK do you think you're doing, Private?!"
Well, for one, he was the guy walking and talking on his phone in front of everyone’s formation during the Creed. One, walking and talking on a phone isn’t allowed - and this is the fucker that would yell about regulations and stray boot laces. Two, it’s definitely disrespectful to mosey around in front of any formation, anywhere, and it was just the tip of of this guy’s sheer patronizing asshaterry iceberg.
I was having none of it.
So, with a rogue wave of self-righteous indignation, I screamed back -
"I’m using my COMMAND VOICE, Sergeant!"
So, he lost his fucking mind, sending everyone scurrying into the building, while screaming at me. He attempted to give me an “Article 15” (an Army punishment that can strip pay and rank - a big deal.)
Luckily, my First Sergeant was having none of it and it didn't go through (since apparently Schoolhouse Sergeant didn’t have the authority give me one.) He asked me to demonstrate the voice, which I did, and he thought it was hilarious. Top, if you’re out there reading, thanks for looking out. I’m actually scared to mention you by name, but I hope you’ll find out somehow. Anyway I was now authorized to use my narrator voice when the new Privates were getting in trouble.
"Loook ouuuut Privates! Platoon Sergeant's coming!
“Meeeaaanwhile, in the hallway!"
Plus, the next time we saw Instructor Asshat on a company run, our 1SG made him do push-ups while we jogged in place. A little extreme, but hey, Army is Army.
Sometimes I get in trouble even when I don’t open my mouth. Like I said, the Army is super uptight with all the PC stuff. The problem is, is that most current leadership is from the “old Army,” where every non-alcoholic is a “faggot,” and a woman’s worth is based solely on the shapeliness of her ass. So, to compensate, some of the old timers have swung hard to the opposite side of the spectrum. Only some though, the rest go even harder to compensate.
Another fun Army rule, is that you can never have your hands in your pockets. Need to grab your keys? Your hand better hurry the fuck up. No dilly-dallying in there either. Is that a limp wrist? Police yourself, Soldier.
Anyways, so without pockets, you really do have a limited option for idle hand placement. Usually, you default to “at-ease,” but once in awhile you switch it up. My personal favorite is the “John Wayne.” The JW involves you hooking your thumbs through the belt above your pelvis – it’s comfy and natural, whatever.
This pose was completely unacceptable to one random sergeant, as I was once “verbally counseled” for sexual misconduct. The reason? “I was bringing attention to my genitals.” I think the real problem was that a certain staff sergeant’s genitals weren’t getting any attention.
Another constant in the Army is good ol’ AR 670-1. This Army regulation dictates all appearances you as a soldier are authorized to have. On and off duty. This includes haircuts, length of fingernails, and the acceptable state of repair of one’s blue jeans (seriously.) Some make sense - dudes can never have earings, you dirty hippies. Some make less sense - no super cool mohawks allowed. Some make no sense - you can not have any object on your dog tag chain unless it is religious. This is a problem, because we need to have our locker keys on us at all times, including in our decidedly haphazardly pocketed PT shorts. Now, the drill sergeants in Basic, being the pragmatic DGAF individuals that they are, instructed us to attach our keys to our dog tags.
But oh no, in AIT we had to abide by garrison rules - which means no keys allowed. However, leading a successful insurrection, I drew a cross on my key, thus making it the sigil o’ Christianity. The instructors were less than impressed with my manipulation of the system. This is about the extent of my raging against the machine, but it was a sweet campaign that the bards will sing of for centuries.
Slumber Parties with Spiderman
Very, very few times in life, being inept can work out in your favor. I cannot make a bed to military standards. I can’t fucking do it. Really, I’m sorry. In Basic, I slept underneath my bed as much as possible. It got to the point in AIT, that I had my room flipped so often for having incorrect hospital corners, they got tired of trashing it, and authorized my ass to get civilian sheets.
Now, choosing your own sheets in the real world might not seem like a big thing, but when you’ve been forced to sleep on top of an itchy, wool blanket from World War 2 for 25 weeks, your own comforter is a great thing. Being the immature assholes we are, soldiers never get your typical, adult sheets. Oh, no, we were men in twin sized beds that would never be seen by a woman. So, we got ridiculous. We had guys with Dora the Explorer, Transformers, and Thomas the Tank Engine – I decided on Spider Man. Yes, I would return from a full day and collapse on my crisp, blue, Spiderman sheets. It was truly a great time to be alive.
We did have a particular NCO who had one strict rule when it came to our rooms - only one.
Because of the longevity of our training, soldiers were able to get to know their NCO’s real well – almost developing a clearly hierarchical, but still sometimes amiable, verbally abusive step-parent relationship. Now, I sure as shit did not, which is for damn sure. They didn’t learn my name in 9 months, and I’m totally cool with that. Sure, a couple knew my face, but also thought my name was “Private.” It worked just fine for me.
One of the things about working alongside these fine non-commissioned officers, is you realize that they too, are almost humans. One’s from Texas, one enjoys LARPing, one is a female – real deep shit. One such quirk we realized is that a certain SSG Bueller HATED Pokémon. Absolutely hated anything pocket monster related. Any such contraband would be tossed out of a window. Why?
Well, dear reader, poor SSG Bueller had spent 18 months in Iraq in the most hipster way possible – he got there before it was cool. This meant that there were no significant bases, no infrastructure, no massive tents to go watch Shania Twain on her golden guitar. No, this meant, the only thing you could entertain yourself with when not getting shot at was whatever you carried with you. For some soldiers, they carried sketchpads, journals, or letters from back home – real Band of Brothers-type shit. But SSG B was having none of that. Oh no, SSG B had a motherfucking Game Boy, with motherfucking Pokémon Gold. The problem was … that was all he had. I don’t know how to tell you guys this, but a handheld game meant for twelve year olds can be completed pretty succinctly in twenty or so hours – more if you were that one asshole who actually tried to catch them all. Thing is, poor B had this game – and only this game – for a year and a half. Yeah, 500’ish days of a game meant for Japanese schoolchildren.
Needless to say, when he got back home, SSG hated anything and everything Pokémon. This was in fact, his only rule implemented, and I quote, “No Pokémon shit.” That’s it.
Of course, as the giggling manchildren we were, we thought this request was hilarious. We didn’t take into account that maybe a grizzled veteran wouldn’t like to be reminded of one of his many tours every fucking day while sloughing through another equally-as-shitty Georgia day. No, we wanted to be cute. And so we did - Pokemon sheets, Pokemon dolls, people would even mail him Pokemon dolls after they’d left and we’d laugh and laugh while he died a little bit inside every time. Sorry, SSG B. Hope you catch ‘em all someday.
Newbies
I have a particularly long MOS, so I was in AIT for around eight, nine months. The thing with training companies, is that there's an influx of new soldiers as soon as an old class graduates. Of course, as soon as I get to the party, it's decided to funnel all the newbies to other companies. This means that there becomes slowly less and less soldiers in my company. This sucks.
Why?
Well, reader, there's a thing in the Army called "fire guard." This is usually a two, four, or six hour shift of you wrestling errant flames. (Not really, you sit at a desk, and try not to sleep.)
The problem is, is that this duty is bequeathed by alphabetical roster. Month by month it got smaller and smaller - by the end, we went from 300 soldiers to 50, split between the day, night, and swing shift. This meant guard duty every night, and cleaning the barracks was a bitch and a half.
Luckily, two days before my class shipped home, we got fresh meat. You forget how lost in the sauce you are getting to AIT fresh out of Basic. Where you had every second of every day planned, there was now a bit of leeway. So, like the good soldiers we were, we fucked with them.
Another bullshit fact in training is the "bed check." This entails grown-ass men waiting outside their doors at 9PM in order to ask permission to go to sleep. If the duty sergeant starts at the other end of the building, you're fucked.
However, the new bloods don't know this - they just see "Bed check 2100 (9pm) for all new soldiers."
At 8.55, all of us older cats start freaking out around the privates.
"Guys! What the fuck are you doing?! It's almost bed check! You better get down there ASAP!"
They freak out and start hauling for the duty desk until we stop them.
"C'mon guys, it's bed check! You have to get your mattress cleared your first night in the barracks. Hurry!"
So these poor kids all grab their mattresses and one of them even managed to get it out a door by the time sergeant got upstairs.
"What the fu- what is this happy horse shit!? Who the fuck are you?!
He pops his head in the room to see the new guys confusedly grasping at their twin-sizes
“Wait, there's more?! Goddammit!"
Anyway, these guys spilled in right before we left on our final AIT FTX. This FTX was to be a five day long FOB (Forward Operating Base) scenario - like” little Iraq.” For the first time, we were mixed with soldiers who weren’t satellite peeps. I thought we were idiots, but apparently, we’re the fucking cream of the crop in the commo community. Some of the people assigned with us were Limas - the guys who essentially just plug shit in. They were at Gordon all of six weeks, and were bitching about how long they were there. These guys were the GED fuckers I thought I’d left behind in Basic.
Now, I mean no offense to the Limas of the world, as it isn’t a fair representation of all y’all, but the kids we were stuck with were some real goobers.
Anyway, the cadre at the FOB took their job entirely too seriously - trying to be drill sergeants when they weren’t. I guess it made sense for the guys who have only been out of Basic for a month, but for those of us who’d been at Gordon a while, we were thoroughly unimpressed. They screamed and yelled and dumped our shit on the ground, and divided us all into different musty tents.
The week comprised of marching around, playing Army, and getting “bombed” every couple hours. Being bombed meant that a siren would play in the middle of the camp, flashbangs would get thrown, and we’d all hustle out to squeeze into some bunkers - simple enough.
At night, because some people decided to change clothes for some reason, the only required equipment was your helmet, body armor, and weapon - too easy. Because I am a dirty nasty, I didn’t change for the entirety of the op, because it usually paid off. There were no ladies to impress, so who cared that I smelled like a JV locker room.
One night, a buddy and I were coming off guard duty at 2 in the morning, after an exciting “attack” (us two gate guards shooting blanks at bored instructors being “OpFor.”) We hadn’t been fake bombed all night, so I knew for a fact that we were going to be hit soon. I walked into the tent, stripped off my armor, helmet, and blouse (for a pillow) and laid there. My buddy laughed at me for never taking off my boots. Five minutes later, we get “hit.” This was towards the end of the exercise, so they threw tons of shit at us. Explosions and sirens everywhere.
I laughed the whole way to the shoddy pallet stack that was our “bunker.” Within two minutes, the rest of the twelve man tent has slid in, in various forms of dress, but with the three required pieces. At least, we thought we had everyone. Private fucking Snarf, a Lima who would lose Trivial Pursuit against a bag of potatoes, was nowhere to be found. An instructor stuck his head in - “You guys up?” (meaning “is everyone accounted for, and uninjured.”)
We just stared at him until somebody nodded. He left to check on everyone else.
At this point, everyone around the FOB is done hustling and bustling, the siren has stopped, and Snarf still didn’t show up. Then, in the distance, we hear … slapping? But it was getting closer to us.
Closer.
...Closer.
The dude closest to the bunker entrance stuck his head out, and just whispered “Oh, Goddamnit.”
In slides Snarf, wearing just PT shorts, a helmet, and ... flip flops. Nothing else.
“Did I miss it?”
Ten minutes after the “raid,” the entirety of our bunker stood at attention while Snarf did some push-ups. Whatever, it didn’t matter, because graduation was a couple days away.
There was, however, a bullshit scavenger hunt type check list before you were allowed to leave Gordon - including another CIF turn in and even making sure you didn’t have any outstanding fines at the library. Ha - library. I had been in maybe twice, and only then because it was the only spot with wifi. You’d think the Army’s communications headquarters would have some wifi, but you’d be wrong. Our company had three computers with internet in the day room, for three hundred of us. Yeah, welcome to the Army, asshole.
Graduation
AIT graduation is a lot less pomp and circumstance, and more just an annoyance to everyone. No one really gives a shit, but this is the Army, damnit, so we’re gonna play some brass instruments and put on fancy clothes.
The fancy clothes, or dress blue’s, had to have our new ranks sewn on, be pressed and perfect to the centimeter - there were inspections. About two months before, a large group of us E-1s were promoted to E2. Does this change anything? Not really - you are still called “private” and are treated no differently than you were before. However, in AIT, it was a big fucking deal. The rank structure in initial training is so fucked. PFC’s actually commanded respect, and junior privates had to listen. Specialists were just untouchable. In reality, being E1-E4 doesn’t change jack shit - everyone’s mopping the same bathrooms together.
This being the case, getting promoted was just the tits. Now, we, as E2’s, got to look down on the peasants that were the E1’s - I think it’s literally the least amount of power that can go to one’s head. We’d call them “fuzzies.” Because E1 has no official rank designator, the velcro patch on their chest would be left blank, or fuzzy. It’s jarring to see one now, It’s been a solid year since I saw a buck private. Anyways, we got the stupid “mosquito wings” sewed on our blue’s for graduation.
The ceremony itself was pretty straight forward - you walk across the stage into a spotlight, say your name, MOS, and where you’re headed (I was tempted to say “Fort Couch,” but I didn’t want to push my luck.) Of course, for the slower soldiers, this became a herculean task. Three things guys, three. Plus people got confused on exactly where to stand, so bewildered NCO’s literally ran masking tape arrows across the stage. We had to practice five times.
Anyway, so the day before shipping out of Gordon, we had the graduation. There was really only twenty family members who showed up - half of us were flying home the next day anyways. I’m not going to lie, I was excited to march over to the graduation venue that morning. We passed by the chow hall, in our blues, which told all the other companies waiting for grits that we were done. Fuck y’all, we’re out (except for the one poor bastard who got stationed right back in Fort Gordon.) So, we have the ceremony - and yes, people still fucked it up. Afterwards we headed back to the barracks and some people went out to go party for the last time. I did not, because tomorrow was the flight home.
So, of course, I spent the night packing, right? Wrong. We had an exit locker inspection to keep us from maybe having a smooth exit the next day.
Ship day was nuts. Breakfast, and then we lucky reservists had a brief with the National Guard liaison on what to expect back home, and who to report to as soon as we got there. Blurbity blah blah. The Active Duty members of our class had an additional two weeks of instruction ahead of them. We were not subtle with our smugness.
Our Gordon departure times were kept a secret until we got back to the barracks - where we discovered that nine of us had to be on the road in twenty minutes. We had 1200 seconds to pack everything we owned, throw away the rest, and say goodbye to the people we’ve spent 80 hours a week with for almost a year. The bitch of the bunch is you are only authorized two army green duffels for travel - one of which is completely filled with your uniforms, boots, and the like, the second which is also about half full of armyness.
Most my clothes, a couple boots, my beloved Spiderman blankets, and a sweet lcd monitor I found in the hallway all got the boot. I gave the monitor to some new Privates, which now that I think about it, is the opposite of hazing.
Anyway, the good part is that there wasn’t any time to say a long, awkward goodbye to anyone. Just a quick handshake and a nod with about ten people, then we piled into the van. On the final check-out, my platoon sergeant didn’t even know who I was, despite me seeing him every morning for forever. Whatever, I really didn’t give a shit about him, just my buddies - it was a bittersweet morning.
I’ve only seen three guys since - one in Kansas, and two in California, out of the 300 I started with.
CONTINUED IN PART SIX
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[Table] IAmA: Hey! We are Corey and Lori Cole, Creators of Quest for Glory, and Oded Sharon, CEO of Adventure Mob, Ask Us Anything!

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-11-05
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Questions Answers
Why do you think the adventure genre takes a backseat to most publishers? Kickstarter seems to be a way to equal this out. What do you think the publishing model will look like in 5 years? I think that Adventure Games will always be Indie. The profit margin won't be tempting for the major companies. But Crowd Funding will make sure that Adventure Games survive as an art form.
I just read that the development budget for Witcher 3 is $15 million and the marketing budget is $25 million. It's not at all clear to me that those marketing dollars are justified, but they do guarantee that people will hear about the game. Our Hero-U budget is $660K, with close to zero of that going to marketing. We'll find out next year if that's a terrible mistake and I need to come up with another $1.5M for marketing.
Maybe its better this way. I'm not sure I like what happens with huge budgets all the time anymore. We've also reached the point of seeing such good graphics that it doesnt even matter anymore. I think we're going to have a much wider variety of games available now that Indie developers can get funding.
So, what should we expect from the game itself? What style do you see it as? Also, will gameplay be better if I'm high? The gameplay tutorial Oded posted yesterday gives a pretty good indication. You can find it at Link to www.kickstarter.com I'd say the style is somewhat like a television cartoon. The scenes were based on 1970's Kingston, Jamaica photo references.
We're putting a lot of emphasis on the story, and high production values. All the artwork, including backgrounds and 2D cel animations were hand drawn. We've been doing playtests to get the kinks of out the dialogs and puzzles from an early stage of development. You can expect to experience the journey of a young boy in Trenchtown Jamaica trying to become a famous reggae musician, with fun puzzles, engaging dialogs, and Reggae music.
Hey, guys! Oded, it was really great talking to you on Facebook. When the game was announced, the Kickstarter pitch said the game would also deal with some political issues (in addition to being a jammin' good adventure). The Bolt Riley game is more of a homage to Reggie and the spirit of the Jamaican music and not about Rastafarianism. The messages of the music are about peace and love. We want to share the good feelings.
Can you elaborate on what sort of political issues Bolt might be confronted with, and how that will be juxtaposed with the light-hearted mood you're obviously going for? I'm a big fan of LGBT myself (despite being straight).
Also, when we spoke, you seemed unaware of the "(pink) elephant in the room" of Rastafarian homophobia. Have you had a chance to read up on that, and will that have any effect on the game or the aforementioned political slant? Bolt starts the game when he is in a gang of Rude Boys. He escapes this life of crime by following a path of love and harmony with his Reggae music. We want to project a positive theme or inclusiveness in this game. No matter your sexual orientation, race, color or whatever.
Cheers, man, and the best of luck! You guys deserve bounties of success and prosperity. :) As a great musician said once "One Love".
I know not everyone reads the KickstartVentures blog (blasphemy!), so I thought I'd re-ask one of the important questions from my interview. What would happen if Bolt Riley doesn't make funding through Kickstarter? The sad reality is that if Bolt Riley doesn't successfully fund raise, Adventure Mob goes bankrupt on Dec 31st 2013.
There's no second chances. There's no plan B. This will be the end. All our technology, artwork, drawings, design, all the hard work Corey and Lori did. Everything get thrown out and erased from existence.
Did you hear that, people? Go out and pledge! NOW! Exactly Serana.
Hey Oded, I've read that Bolt Riley is developed in Unity and will be available on loads of different platforms. What are some of the difficulties in developing cross platform games? Hey Rodik! I've learned a few lessons from having Star Shipping Inc made for almost every platform that Unity supports. one is optimization. Mobile has a lot of memory limitations. We had to use texture compression packing and such. Then there's some issues with features that are supported on some platforms but not the rest (like playing video files on mobile) Then there's different platform API's, like GameCenter on iOS. We test the game on every platform early on in the development. The game itself plays pretty similarly on each with differences in interface and control.. Unity is wonderful in that sense.
How will you make sure that the game plays well on various platforms? Unity works very well for cross-platform games, as long as you consider the differences in interfaces right from the start.
This one's for Oded. With so many projects backed, which one(s) are you looking forward to the most? I also have two kids. I won't tell you which is my favorite. I've now backed over 150. It's hard for me to choose only one.
All the adventure games. Double fine, Space Ventures, Hero-U Of course. Broken sword, mage's initiation, city quest, quest for infamy. i'm sure i'm forgetting a few good ones.
I actually got a few of the ones I was looking for. OUYA, and Oculus Rift, no doubt i backed a LOT there. I really enjoyed Trial of the Clone, and i didn't get time to get into To Be or not To Be.
Lemme see (going over KS profile page)
I'm waiting for Veronica Mars. I baked a few for joke, but i really liked them. Open source death start. Old man eating eggs in 3D.
I got a few that I didn't have time for yet.
I'll back the $10k if someone makes a kickstarter for a time machine.
I've received several that I haven't had time to play. Just got my copy of Neocolonialism. I spent about 5 minutes each with that and LSL:R. Never got around to playing the Sherlock Holmes: Consulting Detective modules I got last year as part of my Shadowgate support. Project Eternity and Broken Age will surely be fun, if I ever find time to play either of them.
Heh. I don't blame you for not naming a favorite. I'm the same way. Too many I'm looking forward to. Which one is your favorite? I knew i forgot some :)
Hey guys! Just wanted to say thank you so much for making the amazing QfG games. Hero's Quest and QfG II were pretty much my most played games back in the day. While I know it was all an illusion now, I was convinced you could get into all the houses in the town of Spielburg. To my 9 year old eyes, there was a whole world of loot to be stolen, if only I could get my lockpicking just a little... bit... higher... While I loved the QfG games, I always felt like the fighting sequences were the weakest parts. Was this down to the engine, or simple priorities? Can you talk a little bit about that side of things? In QfG, we wanted to make a fighting system that was Skill Based rather than twitch based. We experimented with the look and feel with every game. I liked game four's "Street Fighter" style of combat best. I'm not a twitch game player, but the game gave me enough warning and feedback to be successful at it. Alas, few of the fans agreed with me. We plan to do extensive playtesting on the combat system (for Hero-U). It is very difficult to balance one for all player types - Some will work hard to bring up their skills, while some will use stealth to avoid most combats. We don't want to punish either play style.
Can you talk about how you got involved with Replay? I've met Replay in GDC April 2011 when I was still running Corbomite. I learned they had licensed Leisure Suit Larry for distribution on intel Atom/Appup. Shortly following I founded Adventure Mob to start making adventure games starting with Bolt and Larry. We built the Larry demo for them (Link to leftybar.com which they used to get the full remake license from Codemasters. Long story short. Fast forward two years, despite our hard work and efforts, Larry didn't happen for us, we're hoping Bolt does.
Was 9/11 an inside job? I don't know. I'm more interested in 4/20 right now :)
I do have a funny story about working at a software company and knew something was wrong when the most reliable thing in the internet world at the time stop working and that was "ping cnn.com"
Are you holding development on the actual game engine until the native 2D tools get released for Unity 4.3, sharing in what Lori and Corey already worked to get right, or facilitating the 3D directly? Chapter 1 is fully developed and in Alpha. We used Sprite manager 2 and EZGui on Unity 3.0. We're not waiting for any native tools. However, for chapter 3 (or 2) we might want to rewrite portions of the engine to switch between EZGui to NGUI and from SM2 to native. no point in that nowthough. We are facilitating 3D for a bunch of stuff. If you look at the game play video you can see it when the camera zooms in on Bolt. It also is very nice to play the game with the Oculus VR glasses on (YES! I have that prototype!) because it's actually layered in 3D!
Hey Oded, How many copies of Pizza Morgana were ever sold? A few dozens thousands copies were sold. Many many more pirated. There were some sites that you could play and pay per minute, so it was played more. The demo was downloaded I think a few hundred thousands times.
How many people payed in advance for two episodes and are still waiting for episode 2? Only a handful bought the entire season, I've refunded some of the people who did, and some people suggested that their purchase remain as a donation. I'm hoping to finish that series one day. Who knows. Next kickstarter?
Seriously? A few dozen thousands? It is not a $19.99 game. Only a handful of people bought the entire season. The game made a few thousand dollars the most, over the span of 5 years or so.
So, if buy few you mean atleast 1, for 19.99 USD a copy that means you made 240,000 USD in revenue. Or if by "few" you mean 2, that makes your revenue 480,000 USD. If it was such a huge success, what's the sense in not producing an episode 2 yet? The first episode game sells for 2.99 in most portals, some sites it was 0.99. I got 30c per copy or even less.. minus portals affiliate marketing fees. Minus 5% tax.
I agree, it should be doing much better, and people have negative feelings about... certain parties. I really hope things liven up. How can you not trust Oded and the Coles? I think that there was a 'gold-rush mentality' last year when all the Adventure Games hit Kickstarter and everyone supported them. The Kickstarter Adventure Gamers Group were awesome - we never would have funded without them. Now, people are much more selective about their choices. And they don't have bottomless wallets. :-(
I realize that there is a certain technical and artistic aspect in creating any sort of game. With this there have to be compromises made to meet artistic vision vs realistic technical possibilities. There is always the looming problem of feature creep as well. With this being said what type of vacuum cleaner do you use at home or the office? We use a few precautions to fit project scale to the budget. First, we try and design it to the budget while takes some slack into account. We don't want to make a game that's way beyond our capabilities, budget wise. We had a lot of planning, knew how much each resource cost like backgrounds, and animations and characters, and set those number in our budget and told the designers - You have 15 scenes to design. And we can make and animate 15 characters. They designed the game to fit to those limitations. Then we adapt according to progress, that's the producer's job.
Given you can always make a better, more expensive game that fits your wild imagination, but we try to stay humble and be realistic when designing the game.
Vaccum: Dyson. He made a lot of failed prototypes before he got it right. I've made a lot of games before Bolt Riley.
Oded, after Bolt Riley has been produced, would you consider making the world's first Krautrock adventure game? I'm not sure i'm a big fan of Krautrock. I actually had an idea to make a Polka Adventure about Weird Al Yancovik!
Ohh, ah! That would be awesome, Oded. We can all drag out the accordions and play along with the game. When you come to Israel!
You realize Wierd Al would totally do that for dirt cheap, right? Because he's Wierd Al. Little known connection - Both Lori and Oded play accordion, as of course does Weird Al.
Why am I not surprised that you guys play the accordian :) Note that I don't play the accordion, just guitar. I think The Music Man was big when Lori was growing up, so her parents bought her accordion lessons. My brother plays multiple instruments - fiddle, autoharp, pennywhistles, recorder. Lori and I both sing in a local choral group - She's a first soprano, I'm a baritone who sometimes pretends to be a tenor and sometimes a bass (no baritone parts in most choral music).
Thank you for putting out the favorite games of my youth. So You Want To Be A Hero and Wages of War were so much fun to play through over and over. I think my single favorite joke was the "Pop-ulation explosion". Do you plan to bring similar humor to Hero-U? I'm trying to balance the humor in Hero-U. There will definitely be humor, and undoubtedly some puns, but I want to keep them from being too distracting. The underlying story is very serious. Of course, that was true in Quest for Glory also, so let's just say I'm trying to be a shade more subtle, but I still love wordplay. :-)
With a name like Rogue to Redemption, a character named Shawn O'Conner, and a teaser trailer with Mr. Bun E. Slippers, can there be any doubt that humor will be an important part of Hero-U? We love pun-ishing our fans.
I'll have to try it. Have you ever looked at the remake for QfGII? I didn't see if you were involved in it. I just couldn't get the original version to be enjoyable after playing the others. The Trial by Fire Remake was great. The only part they didn't get right (from my point of view) was the combat system philosophy that combat needed to be fun, exciting, and easy to learn. Corey kept getting killed trying to survive outside of town.
Other than that, AGDI did a marvelous job turning a parser-based game into point and click. (I personally can't stand parser games)
one here, huh? Well, I'll start us off by linking an interview I did with Oded: Link to www.kickstartadventure.com. That was a fun interview to do Serena! Thanks!
Point-and-click is boring! "Sierra games" were never the same after Sierra made the switch. Will you please make an adventure game with a text parser? Yes, we lost a great deal of difficulty and challenge when Adventure Games moved to 'Point and Click', but there is such a thing as too much frustration to interfere with the game's fun.
Allright Oded, what are your top 10 reggae albums? I'm not sure about Albums, because I like individual songs. Obviously a LOT of Marley: Jamming. One Love. Get Up Stand Up. Three Little Birds. Then , Eric Clapton's "I shot the sherrif". (and not Bob Marley's original version) i surprisingly discovered this when i was working on Bolt Riley, i always thought it was Marley. I like the song "I don't like Reggae, I love it". Do the soundstrack of Monkey Island count?
Speaking of "I Shot The Sherriff" This was the premise of chapter 4 or 5. I was talking to Dave Gilbert to design it, where the Riley had to stop a heist in a radio station where some band members take hostages so a DJ would play the band songs and Riley is stuck in this situation. I envisioned it as a film noir episode like Dave knows to write best.
Hello my friends. You know you have all my well wishes and I have probably exhausted Lori and Corey with questions by now already. But I think a good question for all of you would be, how do you feel about the remote business model for creating things like games vs the traditional brick-and-mortar approach? Currently I work in the latter, and only have a glimpse of the pros and cons of using modern web technologies to replace physical *presence. Are there added obstacles, anything that is better, things of that nature? A remote business model is very difficult to manage. Most people don't have the self-discipline to set themselves reasonable work habits, present company accounted for.. Traditional work places give better structure, support, and feedback for the creative workers. I think the web makes working remotely wonderful. While we had big offices and most of the team were sitting together, a few members of our team were all around the world. Our offices were in Herzliya, Israel. We had people work from Haifa, Jerusalem, Tel-aviv all cities in Israel then one designer in Brussels, Belgium and the Coles in Oakhurst, California. My previous game Star Shipping Inc. was developed entirely remotely when me and Oran Bar-Tal were sitting at our own desks at home, I'm coding, he's making artwork, and we were on an open skype call for hours with screensharing. felt like we were siting next to each other honestly. We'd each say hello to our respective wives when they walked by.
No worries. Just trying to help before people start wandering in asking these questions. We're sent moderators proof ahead of time that it was us. Hope Corey's problem is solved soon.
I can't decide which of QFG2 or QFG4 are my favorite. Which one is yours? You can answer too Lori and Corey. Mine will always be QG4. It was the game I wanted to make right from the start. Gothic Horror, movie tropes, Vampires, and a love story... it had it all. (Including 70 million bugs...)
Hi Oded, this adventure concept just SCREAMS Bob Marley! Have you thought about contacting them to get an even bigger spotlight on your game? Yes, we have. Long story...
Oh do tell... I can't actually go to a lot of details, but the publisher we worked with originally had some deep ties to Reggae music and part of the reason we started working on this game. They had licensed other IPs which we were hoping to work on. Sadly they aren't in business any more - they were trying to raise money from a big VC and the founder poured his own fortune into the company, when the VC didn't invest, the guy lost his money and the company shut down and they lost the IP's and we lost our publisher.
I can't wait to see it. Folks were talking about trust earlier here. For most KS's I try to give generously to support these great games. For you two, I pulled out the stops and fired all the boilers! You earned my trust years ago. And Oded, well, how can you not love Oded? Trust is a contract that must be continually renewed. It's the faith of the fans that inflames our passion for making our games the best we can create.
Awww.
I've personally did not get paid in the majority of the past 7 years. All my income from most projects usually goes to the company's account and that's used to make games. I'm lucky to have a wife with a full time job supporting me and the kids, but it's getting harder by the day.
Hi Oded, best wishes from Berlin! Hope you are doing well my friend. Just curious about how you and Lori + Corey joint for this nice project? Best, Tom. Hey Tom! Good to hear from you. I got an introduction to the Coles by our mutual friend Noah Falstien, who I wrote when i was looking for designers to make Bolt Riley. And like you said, the word on Bolt was a ... "Joint effort".. hehe.
What's the password? Swordfish! It's always "swordfish".
Boxers or briefs? Inquiring minds want to know! Is commando an option too? :) Actually mine is briefs.
Adventure Mob did a great job with the demo. It sucked to hear they were dropped for N-Fusion. :)
With Unity, Linux publishing is a breeze. The Universal Binary + data just runs. There's no emulator setup. And then you can get your game added to the Ubuntu Software Center if you decide. Yes, I promised a Linux build for some of our backers, knowing it should be straightforward. I'm slightly more concerned about iPad and Android builds, as we will have to adjust the user interface to play well on mobile devices. Those are also price-sensitive markets, which is a problem because we don't want to cannibalize our PC/Mac/Linux sales by offering cheaper versions on mobile. Maybe I'll just wait six months or a year before doing those ports.
I think we're going to have a much wider variety of games available now that Indie developers can get funding. I agree with Lori. Kickstarter have opened a new era for game creators. Because adventure games are such a niche, it's nearly impossible to get funding otherwise. Publishers have the alternatives of investing pittance in F2P casual games and get in millions in revenue. A lot of the market is going to those match candy crush type games, and publishers nowadays don't care about old school premium games as much.
The big AAA publishers have budgets (and incomes) of dozens of millions of dollars. a $500k production is not a good business investment if it will only break even. (which is the reality of our market, sadly).
Not so much a question, but a thank you: As a kid I always was interested in Greek mythology, and Quest for Glory V was one of the first games I ever bought. Enjoyed it thoroughly, so thank you! You're welcome and thank you! :-) Lori and I both grew up reading mythology books, so it was natural to incorporate that background into our games. We tried to be true to each culture the player visits.
I would assume getting high would probably always improve gameplay, unless it's Amnesia :( Hehe, that's funny. wait. what was the question? i forgot. ahhh... Does Reddit IAmA are better when you're stoned?
Thanks for your answer. I definitely wouldn't want such a dicey subject to overshadow that message of unification. Thanks for elaborating on the political issues. :) Again, my very best of luck with the Kickstarter! My pleasure! and thanks for asking.
I'm not surprised by that. It's very bad in Jamaica for LGBT people. But I'm amazed that Rastafarians in particular would suffer that. It's hard for anyone in Jamaica. As a result, tribes form. Tribes form by defining themselves. Anyone who isn't a member of the tribe is an outsider and put down.
It's hard for anyone in Jamaica. As a result, tribes form. Tribes form by defining themselves. Anyone who isn't a member of the tribe is an outsider and put down. Sadly, LGBT people will always be the scapegoats and the outsiders in a community that defines itself by excluding others.
I have replayed the Quest for Glory series more times than I can remember. I don't have a question. I just want to thank you for creating a series that has had a tremendous impact on me throughout the years. I can still load up QFG1 and get that warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Thanks, Adrocknola. We believe that games should be fun and meaningful.
You guys rock. Quest for glory series is no doubt the game i've clocked most hours in playing. I had to get all my stats to the maximum. form 100 to 500. In each type of character. And i had to upgrade to Paladin from each of the options. So add that..
Hello all! BigD (Doug) here. Sorry I've been so quiet. I have a parade of students in and out my door! I am very excited about Bolt Riley. Here's a thought, I'll tell every student that comes in for a pledge to BR, I'll give them one answer! Yay, BigD! We've got some nice artwork for your Wing in Hero-U. I'm going to set up a pdf Artbook "Big D's Hall of Heroes" or something similar when the game releases for you to enjoy all the preliminary artwork and the final art. But I'll save it until you get the fun of seeing it in the game.
That's a good idea... especially if you then give them answers such as, "Type enter curtain or walk through curtain, not just go North". Or "Dwarves like to read magazines when they go on break". Nice cryptic clues to games few have played in decades. :-)
You don't want to know how much us hardcore fans gave. It would blow your minds! Well, it's safe to say that the developers give even more. As backers, we open our purses and hearts. As project creators, we have to open our veins. Games are made of blood, sweat, tears, and brain tissue. (Eww, sorry, that all sounds really gross. :-))
Ken sent me. ;) Schwertfisch.
Schwertfisch. ¡Espadarte!
I'm not sure i'm a big fan of Krautrock. I actually had an idea to make a Polka Adventure about Weird Al Yancovik! Ohh, ah! That would be awesome, Oded. We can all drag out the accordions and play along with the game.
Little known connection - Both Lori and Oded play accordion, as of course does Weird Al. A few years back i made a game called "Accordion Hero" which you use a real toy accordion as a controller: Link to www.flickr.com
I haven't had a chance to look at anything for Hero-U yet, I'm at work and this is the first I've heard of it. I will be checking it out for sure once I'm home. In many ways, the games we make are homages to many of the icons and experiences of our lives. The Marx Brothers, Sanford and Sons, Boris Karlov, and above all, Peter Lorre are all timeless. This is a way to make sure that they will never be forgotten.
I didn't realize that the bazaar in Wages of War was a nod to Sanford and Son until years after I played the game, I love all the hidden jokes that come out each time I replay your games. Mind you, most of the references and tributes to characters in our games are from before OUR time, too. We're not that ancient... yet.
I can't wait to find more of these references, I'll have to replay through QfG I-IV, I never got V to work very well. Shadows of Darkness was the richest in cultural references since it pulled from every classic horror riff we loved. Okay, so it didn't have mummies or zombies, but they wouldn't have fit in with the setting.
A remote business model is very difficult to manage. Most people don't have the self-discipline to set themselves reasonable work habits, present company accounted for.. Traditional work places give better structure, support, and feedback for the creative workers. That being said, I'd still rather work in a remote business than a standard one. I'm too much of a contrarion to deal with arbitrary deadlines, specific work hours, and bosses.
Hey Tom! Good to hear from you. I got an introduction to the Coles by our mutual friend Noah Falstien, who I wrote when i was looking for designers to make Bolt Riley. And like you said, the word on Bolt was a ... "Joint effort".. hehe. Not that any actual joints were involved - Besides that it's hard to pass one across several thousand miles, Lori and I are very boring that way. Our high school / college introductions to weed only made us sleepy, so we live boring sober lifestyles.
Last updated: 2013-11-09 18:46 UTC
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